Wrestling with Insecurities (A Testimony)

[NOTE: I try to write devotions based on things I've seen in the lives of people in our church family. Every now and then, it feels like God lays something on my heart that I need to hear. This is one of the latter. There will be a lot of the word "I" in here, but consider it a form of personal testimony where God helped me overcome my worries.]

I have always struggled with insecurities about "being the bad guy" or "not being good enough". In some ways, that has fueled me to "do my best" (a noble-enough goal). However, other times it has lead to literal sleepless nights. Meredith can attest to the fact that there have been moments where I had to do something at 2AM simply because I couldn't shake the insecurity that I didn't do well enough, I wasn't equipped for a job, or there was more I was supposed to be doing.

That didn't get better when it came to transitioning into the pastor role at The Well. During that time, Ezra was about to be born and a significant portion of my support network was shifting in unsettling ways. I could fill volumes with the insecurities I had over where it seemed God was calling me to serve. I heard from more than a couple people that "maybe you just need to cut bait". It certainly would have been easier (at least on the surface of things).

Here's the thing... I felt stuck, but not in a bad way. I couldn't walk away because too much was at stake. It wasn't my own interests that concerned me the most, but the knowledge that God has brought so many people together under the mission of "The Well". I quickly realized that my personal pity-party wasn't going to do anything to reach individuals looking for a more personal expression of worship. It wasn't stuck by pressures of the world; I was stuck because God has put me in a place I couldn't justify leaving untended. What type of hypocrite would I be if I proclaimed the name and mission of Christ with my mouth, then turns my back on individuals God had placed in my life as if it meant nothing?

In that moment, I realized that my insecurities were actually a form of my pride. Any anxiety I felt in that moment was due to some shred of pride that thought it was "up to me". I've written a lot of things and preached a lot of sermons, but if I was going to have even a thimble of faith then I had to be willing to let God be enough in the midst of me being woefully deficient for the role.

Given that we had just finished a sermon series on the Gospel of John, I was encouraged by something found in John 1:46...

43 The next day Jesus decided to leave for Galilee. He found Philip and told him, “Follow me.” 44 Now Philip was from Bethsaida, the hometown of Andrew and Peter. 45 Philip found Nathanael and told him, “We have found the one Moses wrote about in the law (and so did the prophets): Jesus the son of Joseph, from Nazareth.” 46 “Can anything good come out of Nazareth?” Nathanael asked him. “Come and see,” Philip answered. 47 Then Jesus saw Nathanael coming toward him and said about him, “Here truly is an Israelite in whom there is no deceit.” 48 “How do you know me?” Nathanael asked. “Before Philip called you, when you were under the fig tree, I saw you,” Jesus answered. 49 “Rabbi,” Nathanael replied, “You are the Son of God; you are the King of Israel!” 50 Jesus responded to him, “Do you believe because I told you I saw you under the fig tree? You will see greater things than this.” (John 1:43-50)

"Can anything good come out of Nazareth?" You can apply this same skepticism to anything.

"Can anything good come from someone with so many flaws?"

"Can anything good come out of someone without polish or charisma?"

"Can anything good come from someone who was never all that popular or likeable?"

"Can anything good come out of the same soul so capable of so much sin?"

The answer is... no. No, nothing good can come out of any of that........ without the loving grace and mercy of Jesus Christ. Christ makes us whole. Christ makes us sufficient. Christ makes us enough.

I don't know what insecurity or insufficiency you may be dealing with, but please take hope from knowledge the Christ Jesus is everything that you worry you cannot be. Might as well stop trying to be what you think meets the standard for "good enough" and let God take a turn at driving your life. You'll be amazed at the great things that you see.