I have a confession to make: sometimes I have a temper. I've always worn my emotions on my sleeve which is typically not a problem. Where it does become a problem is when I start getting frustrated while juggling a dozen different things, including taking care of baby Phoebe.
This last week, I was pulling triple duty by working from home, trying to prepare normal church stuff, taking care of the house, and watching Phoebe. Making things a little more tricky was Phoebe who is apparently cutting some new teeth and acting out a bit more than normal. It's hard enough watching Phoebe when she's behaving, but less when the "terrible twos" start to rear their ugly head. I wish I could say I was calm all week and didn't let my emotions get the better of me, but Wednesday and Thursday were just a bit more than I could handle. When Meredith came home from work, I stormed downstairs and just blew up for a while.
Don't let your spirit rush to be angry, for anger abides in the heart of fools. (Prov 7:9)
Ouch. Being a fool is one thing, but what if your anger actually signifies that your heart isn't right? Wouldn't that be worse?
Now the works of the flesh are obvious: [...] hatreds, strife, jealousy, outbursts of anger, selfish ambitions, dissensions, factions [...] (Gal 5:19-20)
Yep, that's worse. In a society that congratulates you on your self expression and grants everyone the "right" to act however they wish, it's odd to think of anger itself as something that could signify a problem with the heart, but there it is. It is an emotion of the flesh because if we were only concerned with the things of heaven, what would there be left to get angry over? Christ grew angry, so it would be hard to argue that anger itself is a problem, but the object of our anger and how we express that anger is very telling of where our heart sits. Do we get angry over things that are worthwhile with eternal implications, or do we get angry over things like... when the computer isn't working, the car breaks down, or that annoying person at work just won't shut-up? What brings us to anger says a lot about the things we value, or perhaps even over-value.
Today is Friday. I clocked out of work a few hours early, packed up Phoebe, and headed into Fredericksburg for a daddy-daughter day walking around the mall and shopping village. The squeals of laughter and excitement at being able to see new people and walk around different places was endearing. I remember having this thought that even if Phoebe never remembered this day, I would cherish the memory of her holding my hand, squealing with laughter.
I wonder if that's how God feels.
I wonder if when we learn to let go of our frustrations and anger, and simply experience joy and peace in our identity with Him, if God smiles and cherishes those feelings. Maybe that is why the angels look upon mankind with wonder and marvel at how God loves His creation. The calling for a Christian is to dwell in the things of heaven and that means doing our best to pause when we feel ourselves getting angry and take joy in the things that truly matter.
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